Kate's secret
by VFBFan
Summary: AU story. Kate has met Castle over a decade before working with him. Soon, they are forced to work together. Kate's past catches up to her and her secret is exposed.
1. Chapter 1

**November 1994**

Kate Beckett had been looking forward to finally attending Standford University all year. She had graduated High School one year early because she'd skipped a year and finished at the top of her class. The prospect of being a student at one of the best universities in the country was a chance she couldn't let pass by. It was her chance to prove herself. It was her chance to becoming a lawyer and she wanted to become one of the best.

She loved the thought of defending the innocent and helping those who couldn't afford legal services.

The thought of standing up before a jury and thanking her clients for the privilege of representing them and the thought of knowing that people trusted her...it must be a great feeling...

So here she was, a 17-year old future attendent of Standford university, getting out of the cab this sunny friday morning with luggage in hand, in Standford, California.

As she approached the beautiful building she knew that she made the right decision. She watched curiously as students hung out in several places around the campus.

Kate smiled.

This was her new home. Her future.

After receiving her key Kate started to look for her dorm, the room that would be her home for the following four years. She was curious and couldn't wait to meet her roomie...or roomies?

"101...102...ah 103", she mumbled to herself and reached into her pocket for her key. She had no idea if her room mate was already there so she pressed her ear against the door, trying to listen to any noise coming from inside.

Nothing.

"Ok...seems like I'm the first one here."

She opened the door and carried her heavy luggage into the room. It was beautiful and very spacious. There were two beds which meant that Kate would need to share this room with only one other student. She didn't really mind. She had no problems at getting along with others, so it made no difference to her if there were one or two other persons in one room with her.

After Kate had chosen her bed and had put her cosmetic stuff into the beautiful and big bathroom she noticed that there was a third door.

"Hmm...this must be an adjoining room."

"Hi there."

Kate turned around after hearing the low and raspy voice and smiled shyly at the person who stood in the door way.

The girl was beautiful. She had dark skin, beautiful long, black hair and the look in her eyes screamed convidence.

"You must be my room mate. I'm Laney Parish."

The girl approached Kate and held her hand out.

"Hi I'm Kate." Kate smiled and took the hand of the beautiful girl.

"That will be 4 beautiful years here", the girl grinned and plopped on the bed that was left for her.

"Sooo...where are you from?"

Kate smiled.

"I'm from New York City. I attended Stuyvesant High School there."

Lanie raised her eyebrows.

"Stuyvesant High School? Isn't this for highly gifted students?"

Kate blushed.

"Yeah...kind of..." _Oh my god. She must think that I'm the biggest nerd ever._

"That's great." Lanie grinned.

"It is?", Kate stammered.

Lanie nodded enthusiastically.

Kate smiled.

"Cool. And where are you from?"

Lanie flipped her hair and winked.  
>"I'm from Chicago and attended Collins High School there."<p>

"Wow. That's great. I love Chicago. I have an uncle over there."

"That's cool. We can go to Chicago in our semester holidays."

Kate grinned at the girl. She seemed to have no shy bone in her body.

* * *

><p>Richard Alexander Rogers was nursing a hangover most of his first morning back at Standford. He had arrived Thursday evening, after spending a great time clubbing and attending a handful of parties.<p>

Richard Rogers was really something. His school agenda was far from boring. After he had finished High school he attended many university but was always kicked out because of bad behaviour. No one knew that this boy, who had nothing but nonsense on his mind, loved to write. He turned to writing after he was transferred to Edgewyck Academy at the age of 14 because he was homesick and withoug any friends. At first he had written several stories for personal amusement or for friends, starting with thriller stories or non-fiction stuff. His first serious novel was "In a Hail of Bullets." It was rejected 21 times before a publisher accepted it. Soon after, Richard won the "Nom DePlume Society's Tom Straw Award for Mystery Literature." Now at age 24, STILL a student at Standford University, he had several bestsellers under his belt and was very smug about it. But that is who he was. He was loved by many girls and envied by even more boys but he didn't really care. All he was looking forward to was to finally finish his last year at Standford. He could've dropped out with all the money he's earned with his books but his mother told him that she didn't pay thousands of dollars for his education for nothing, so he decided to get a proper education not only for his, but mostly for his mothers sake.

Rick groaned and opened his eyes. Worst. Hangover. Ever.

After mumbling to himself that he would never drink again he threw on a pair of cut-off jeans and a blue tropical shirt and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. With his tooth-brush in his mouth he left the bathroom and frowned when he heard laughter coming from the adjoining room next to his.

"Ah the new students must be here."

Rick grinned when he noticed that the voices coming from the other room were female. He needed to check them out. That is what he always did. He was far too curious for his own good. He hurried into the bathroom, washed his face and looked into the mirror. Satisfied enough he left the bathroom again and went to the door. He put his ear against the door and tried to listen to the girls but it was quiet now.

"Did they leave?"

Rick shrugged his shoulders and decided to give it a go. He knocked on the door and waited patiently.

After a few seconds he heard steps coming closer. The door opened.

Rick gasped.

In front of him stood the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

* * *

><p><strong>Sooo...Hello guys. This is my first Castle fic, so pleeease be nice. Haha. I really hope you'll like it. Please review and let me know what you think. Thank you guys. :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**November 1994**

* * *

><p>"Hey", Castle acknowledged her, taking in the lovliness of the girl's face.<p>

"Hey", Beckett answered, not sure why she had answered him. Ok, he was just the most handsome man she had ever seen. Not in a model movie star way that many girls her age swooned over but in a rugged, very musculine way.

"Hey. Stop googling at my new friend and tell us who you are", Lanie snapped and shoved Beckett aside trying to take a closer look at the young man standing in front of her.

Castle ignored Lanie and took a closer look at the beautiful brunette who's standing in front of him, looking at him with a smile. He knew for sure that this girl wasn't the type of girl he usualy hooked up with. The smile she flashed at him nearly blinded him with its beauty. At that point he knew he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass. He needed to get to know her better.

"So...uhm...I assume that you are both new here?"

"Yeah", Lanie replied and rolled her eyes. She found him rather attractive but nothing more and nothing less. She looked him up and down and shook her head.

"Girl. I'm gonna unpack my stuff. Stop drooling."

"I'm not-"

Castle laughed at that and scratched his head before he once again looked into this pools of green that her eyes were.

"Well uhm. My name is Kate Beckett. I'm here to study Law and this is Lanie. She-"

"I'm a pre-med student", the convident girl shouted from her spot in the room and continued to put her clothes into her dresser.

"Law huh? Sounds interesting."

Beckett smiled. "Yeah. What are you studying? Seems like you're not new here right?"

Castle laughed. "No I'm not. I'm a senior now, so this will be my last year here. I'm studying literature."

"Oh, so you wanna be a writer or something?"

"Well...I kind of already am."

"Really? Anything I might know?"

"Well yeah, my name is Richard Castle and one of my n-"

"WAIT. Richard Castle? THE Richard Castle?" Beckett looked at him with big eyes and shrieked when her friend Lanie shoved her aside.

"Richard Castle? Oh my god. I love your books", Lanie squealed, suddenly very interested in him again.

"Well thank you", he laughed and watched Kate and Lanie glaring at each other.

"Uh uhm, well...nice to meet you ", Lanie answered, trying to calm down. She didn't want to look like one of these ridicilous fan girls he sure as hell had plenty of.

Kate grinned at her new friend and shook her head before focusing on Richard Castle again...THE Richard Castle.

"Wow. I had no idea that you're still a student. Why are you still here?"

"Well...I'm doing it for my mom."

"Ah." Kate smiled. She knew this feeling. She wanted to make her parents proud as well.

"So uhm...how about I give you a tour around our campus when you and your friend are ready with unpacking?"

Kate smiled.

"Sure. Why not?"

"Ok. Just knock on my door when you guys are ready alright?

Kate nodded and closed the door before leaning against it. It couldn't be could it? Did she really have a crush on Richard Castle?

* * *

><p>Sleep didn't come easily to Kate the first night on the campus. After Rick had given her and Lanie a tour around the campus she'd decided that she wanted to lay down early because she was exhausted from the long day. Besides the sting of her sunburn she'd carried around for the majority of her holidays, the loud music coming from the other side of the adjoining door would wake her throughout the night. At first it was just loud music, then it was marely loud bangs , such as doors swinging open and hitting walls, then it was more clatter of what sounded to be someone stumbling around the room, and curses as that said person (Richard Castle of course) evidently would run into objects of furniture.<p>

Finally, after what sounded to be a drunken rendition of The Who's "Baba O'Riley" , there was only silence, indicating that Castle had evidently fallen asleep. Thus, when morning finally did come to Kate, she almost overslept if Lanie hadn't woken her up.

"Good morning girl. It's time for our first classes so wakey wakey."

"Ughh...Lanie..."

"Come on girl. I know you are very turned on by the fact that a very handsome writer is sleeping behind this door but that doesn't mean th-"

"Ugh shut up Lanie", Kate grumbled and stood up. She watched as Lanie disappeared into the bathroom and waited for the door to be closed. After that she walked over to the adjoining door, put her ear on it and tried to hear something- anything that was coming from HIS room. Silence.

"Seems like he isn't in his room anymore."

Wait...was she disappointed? No she couldn't be. Why? He was just a writer, a famous writer...a HANDSOME and very SEXY writer.

_'Stop Katie...you are seventeen. Pull yourself together.'_

* * *

><p>Her first classes weren't anything special. The teachers told them what they would be doing throughout the semester and started with some easy stuff, but nothing too difficult. Kate wouldn't have a problem with anything anyway. She wouldn't study law if she didn't know what to do. Her mother was a lawyer as well, so she kind of knew what to expect and, as curious as she was, she often asked her mother about her cases. She was more than ready to become one of the best lawyers in the U.S.<p>

Kate sighed. She felt awfully bored. It was 9pm and Lanie was still not back. She'd told her that she would be out with some students she met in some of her classes and would be be back soon. That was a lifetime ago. Kate thought about sleeping early again, but she had the first two periods off tomorrow. There was no way that she'd go to sleep this early when she had her first two periods off. She'd met some students in her classes too and it's not that they weren't nice or something, but they were so...so...boring. Kate had asked them an hour ago if they'd like to do something, but they friendly declined because they "wanted to study." What were they studying for? Really? The semester had just started.

Nerds.

Kate sighed again when she heard someone knocking on the adjoining door. Kate, who has been lying on her bed the whole time, sat up and looked at the door. She was nervous. Wait. Why was she nervous?

"Yes?"

"Kate? It's Rick."

"Really?", Kate answered, rolling her eyes.

Rick opened the door and laughed.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. What are you up to?"

"Well...I'm bored out of my mind. What about you?"

"Oh well, I just talked to my mother. Said it was an emergency."

"Oh...I hope everything is alright?"

"Yeah", Rick replied weakly. He smiled lightly and sat down on Kates bed.

"Are you ok Rick?"

"What? Oh well, yeah. I am. Just a little bit tired. That's all."

"Well...maybe you should get some sleep then."

Kate knew that something was off. She didn't know Rick at all but she DID remember the look he gave her the first time they'd met over there at the adjoined door. He had such a spark in his beautiful, blue eyes...but now...now they were kind of dull and the spark was gone. She knew that she had no right to ask him about the phone call he had with his mother, but to say nothing at all wasn't right either was it?

"Are you really ok? I mean...you don't know me and I'm probably too young to give proper advise to someone and..."

"Shhh...", Rick whispered and sat down on the bed.

"Are...are you drunk Rick?"

Rick laughed.

"Maybe...a little...bit."

Kate grinned. A laughing Rick was so much better.

"Ah ok. Well, maybe I should take you back to your room..." Kate started to stand up and tried to take him with her.

He smiled slightly as he looked down at her. In her bare feet, she must be eight or nine inches shorter than him, but the way she was looking at him, she was the perfect fit. He moved with her guidance until he was sitting on the egde of the bed, but when she would have backed away, he held onto her wrist. "No", he whispered..."Don't leave me tonight."

Kate looked down into his magnificent blue eyes and was being drawn by them. She had never seen a man look at her with such yearning before and she was becoming overwhelmed. What would it hurt? Ok, she was still very young but so what? It was her life, her decision and she knew it would happen sooner or later... there were girls out there who were much younger than her when they had sex for the first time. She had never been interested in any of the boys at her High School anyway. Yeah, she was only seventeen but she was wise beyond her years and just thought that the boys at her school were juvenile to her.

But, this man who was looking at her now; he had captured her interest...he really had...but she had been too stubborn to admit it to herself at first but now... Tonight, as she looked at her with such lust in his eyes, she knew that there was nothing juvenile about him. Just looking into his eyes, she could feel her body waking up, making her feel things she had never felt before.

She knew even before the two of them started that she would remember this night for a very long time...

* * *

><p>Kate awoke the next morning to a soreness she could not really identify. Glancing around she noticed that she was still in her room. She looked to the other side and saw that Lanies bed was still untouched which meant that she'd stayed somewhere else over the night. Memories of the previous night flooded through her. She wasn't a virgin anymore. Richard Castle had taken the label away from her. As she glanced around she noticed that he wasn't there anymore. She didn't hear any noise coming from his room either. She lifted the sheet and found her clothes and put them on. It was only then that she noticed a piece of paper on her nightstand with 400 dollars tucked beneath it.<p>

_"Beautiful, thanks for being there for me last night. You were worth every penny. Goodbye. Rick."_

* * *

><p><strong>Hi there. :D Thanks for your reviews. I especially want to thank NinaK.05 for her help and advice. :) Next chapter will be a big time jump and many questions will be answered. Please review and tell me what you think. Sorry for any grammar mistakes. English is not my first language. :)<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**June 2010**

Kate remembered the day she had slept with Richard Castle like no other and hated the fact that she couldn't stop thinking about the events that occured that night. He had disappointed her. Not as a writer. No, but as a human being.

Even if she'd promised herself she wouldn't support him anymore she continued reading his books in hopes to find some sort of hidden message in one of his novels, a message that said that he'd made a big mistake, that said that he'd screwed up big time, that he'd broken a young girls heart. Nothing.

She'd burned the 400 dollars he left her and promised herself, even at the young age of seventeen that she wouldn't trust a guy anytime soon again. She decided to save herself for someone who'd care to take his time to really get to know her, who'd treat her like a princess and who would love her for who she was without caring about her looks.

Rick Castle had messed her up. Big time.

She wanted to confront him, yell at him and ask him how he could do this. What kind of human being was he to treat a girl like that? To sleep with a girl for pure pleasure, to treat a girl like she was nothing but a whore?

She'd made a fool out of herself because she'd liked him more than she'd liked any other boy she'd met. Yeah, she didn't know him, only knew his books and yeah she was young and naive to think that it could turn into something serious but she couldn't help it back then. The way he'd looked at her, so desperate and yet full of lust...

How could he do this?

Well, she never got the chance to ask him, because she'd never seen him again after that fateful night. She'd been too proud to go to the principal and ask why Richard Castle left Stanford but silently wondered if the phone call he'd gotten before they slept together had something to do with him leaving the university.

She never got to know.

"Sir, are you serious? Do we really need to do this?"

Captain Montgomery looked at his best detective. The youngest female detective in the history of NYPD with the highest rate of solving crimes.

"Why is there a problem detective Beckett? You said that the murderer used one of Richard Castles novels to kill his victim so I think it would be the best to let him help with the case. The murderer might kill more persons, maybe with other methods Castle had mentioned in one of his books. It's the next logical move."

Beckett sighed. When Montgomery asked her to look for Castle at one of his book parties shortly after they'd found the first victim she'd refused. Montgomery had looked at her strangely and asked why...she told him that she had other leads to follow and had asked Ryan and Esposito to go find this jerk. She just couldn't do it. She couldn't face him. Not after that fateful night 13 years ago. There was a tiny part within her that was curious to know how he looked like now. She wasn't much of an TV type, just watched it for sports or her favorite shows. She got the latest news from the radio. She didn't read any gossip magazines either so it was nearly impossible for her to catch a glimpse of him. If she was honest to herself she knew that she avoided him. Yeah, she'd never been a person who watched TV alot, but after what happened, she avoided the TV even more than before, afraid, that she'd see him giving interviews or seeing him with other...

"Sir...I think I'm capable enough to solve this case on my own. I really don't need his help."

"Detective...I had a talk with our mayor...he's a good friend of Castle and he wants him on this case."

"Sir, don't you see what is going on here? I bet this asshole asked his "BFF" to call and tell you that Castle is needed for this case even if he isn't. Ryan and Esposito told me that he was annoying as hell, asked stupid questions and tried to interfere. He wants to be part of this case, not the mayor."

"Beckett, our princent needs all the good promotion it can get and Castle, a best-selling author will help with that. He will be on that case. Period."

Beckett rolled her eyes and sighed. She knew better than to argue with her captain. It was pointless. She couldn't avoid it anymore. Soon she would face the man who'd betrayed her all this years ago.

Rick Castle stepped out of the elevator and looked around curiously. It wasn't like he had never been at a police station before, but this time it was different. This time he didn't come here because he did something stupid. No, this time he would be sitting at the other end of the table, this time he would help catching the bad guy.

He was exited. He stood in the middle of the crowded room and thought about his excuse of a life.

His life had been nothing but a record put on repeat. Long nights of writing, countless book parties and book tours, millions of necklines to sign...his life wasn't special. The only two persons who were able to brighten his day were his mother and his 15 year old daughter Alexis. Those two were the reason why he faced each day, they were the reason why he woke up every morning.

He had nothing to offer expect loads of money and fame.

He was broken and the reason why he felt that way was a reminder of what kind of person he had been when he was younger. There was one feeling in the pit of his stomach that he'd carried around day after day and that was guilt. Guilt for what he did years ago when he was a senior at Stanford.

He thought about his actions at Stanford almost every freaking day, especially when Alexis started talking about possible universities she would like to attend when she was finished with High School. His angel was so much better than he would ever be.

Each time he thought about his time at Stanford he'd always think about _her _too .Her beautiful face, her striking green eyes. He knew that she had been alot younger than him but during this time it didn't really matter. He wanted her and he got her...but the way he left her...it wasn't his intention...he didn't-

"Rick Castle? "

Castle shook his head and looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Hi. I'm Captain Montgomery. I'm the leader of the 12th princent. Welcome."

"Thank you sir, I'm going to do everything in my power to help."

"I'm sure you will", the captain smiled and led the writer to a chair.

"I'm going to introduce you to my best detective. She will be here soon to tell you what we will be doing next."

Castle smiled and nodded. He sat down and put his hands between his legs while looking around. He liked the way his day had turned out.

"If this isn't the famous Richard Castle."

Castle looked up when he heard the voice of the woman. Brown short hair, tall, beautiful...no...

"Green eyes..."

* * *

><p><strong>Hi there. Uhm. Ok...I know that alot of people hate Castle right now, but you'll find out soon why he left Beckett like that. It sounds much worse than it really is. Castle is a good human being and I'm sure he will be doing a great job at making it up to Beckett even though it's hard to believe at the moment. ;)<strong>

**Please bear with me and let me know what you think. And well...try to ignore all these annoying grammar-mistakes. I'm from Germany. Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi there. I knoooow I'm such a lazy ass, right? Please forgive me. I can't believe that it took me so long to update. *sniff***

**I really hope there are still people out there who are interested in this story. Here is the next chapter. Please enjoy. :)**

* * *

><p>She looked different. He remembered her long, brown looks and her bright green eyes that mirrored brilliance and determination.<p>

The Kate who was now standing in front of him wasn't the girl he met. Wasn't the girl he had left behind all these years ago.

His heart sank as he looked into these green, dull eyes that were void of any emotion. Her hair was straight and cut short. She was unbelievably thin...she wasn't that thin back then. Was he the reason that she looked how she looked today? Was he the only reason for the pain he could see so clearly in her eyes?

"Hey", he whispered. The moment he'd looked into her eyes he knew that he remembered her and it seemed like she hadn't forgotten. How could she? What he did to her back then was horrible. He couldn't really expect her to forget and forgive.

He wondered why she was a detective now. Didn't she want to be the best lawyer in the country back then? Something must have happened that made her decide to go a different path.

"What did I ever do wrong to deserve this? Out of all people it had to be you who's now involved in one of my cases. How have you been doing? Are you still the 'I'm hooking up with every girl that is ready to spread her legs' kind of guy? I wouldn't be suprised."

"Kate...listen I"

"Stop it ok? I don't want to hear it. My boss told me that it is necessary to have you helping with this case even though I know I could do it perfectly on my own but I don't have a choice. You'll offer your help, we will wrap this case and both of us will move on with our lives, ok?"

Castle sighed and nodded. There was nothing he could say...nothing to make it better. He could see that she didn't want anything to do with him and he understood...

He left her...just like that...even though she didn't know why he needed to leave he could still understand her pain. The way he left her...

_God._

* * *

><p><em>"Hey Rick. It's Mom."<em>

_"Mother...what can I do for you? I thought you were on vacation somewhere."_

_"Rick...you need to come home..."_

_"Wh-but why? You know that classes are going to start this week. I can't come back now. What's the matter? Are you ok?"_

_"It's Alexis."_

_"What about her? Is she sick? Is she ok?"_

_"She wants her daddy."_

_"But what about Meredith? I thought she'd take care of her."_

_"Rick, I still don't know what you ever saw in her, but all I can say is that she is a horrible mother. She called me yesterday and told me that she got an job offer for a new indepentend movie in L.A. I can't take care of Alexis all on my own and she's been asking for you for hours now. She cried herself to sleep. There was nothing I could do to calm her down. I know that you are busy and about to finish college this year, but your daughter needs you. Now more than ever. Who knows how long Meredith will be gone? It could be months...maybe even more than a year."_

_Rick sighed. He knew what he had to do. His little girl would always come first. He knew it. His mother knew it. Every parent knew it._

_It wasn't very easy to be a father, an author and a college student and with someone like Meredith as a mother you couldn't really expect much. Her job seemed to be more important to her than their daughter. Rick could never be like that. He could never just walk away from Alexis._

_He might be an idiot, a womonizer even...but he was a damn good father and his little angel needed him._

_He thought about the young girl who was now in her room, waiting for him. He would miss her, but he couldn't tell her the truth. He knew that she saw more in him. He knew that she wanted to get to know him better and he was thinking the same way. He's never met someone like Kate before and it hurt to know that he wouldn't be back for a very long time. He didn't even know if he would ever come back. Not when his daughter needed him. He could come back in a year and Kate would still be here, but he wasn't getting any younger. He was already 25 and he didn't want to be a student for life. This year would've been his chance to finally finish college and move on. To get a decent degree he could work with if his career as a writer should be over...but what he often forgot was that he still had a child at home. A child that needed him. It was getting more clearer now that his mother had called out for help._

_"Rick?"_

_"Ok mother. I will come back as soon as a I can. I'm gonna leave tomorrow morning. I just...I just have to do something first."_

_" down. Take your time to finish everything. I'm sorry my boy. I wish there was a different way to get through this but Alexis-"_

_"I get it mother. I really do. My little girl needs me. And...and I think I need her too right now. I will see you soon, ok?"_

_"Yeah ok. Thank you. See you soon."_

_"Bye."_

_Rick sighed and bit his lip. He needed a drink...badly._

* * *

><p>"Beckett?"<p>

Kate looked up and smiled at her partner Kevin Ryan.

"There is someone waiting for you in the break-room...it is your uhm..."

Kate rolled her eyes and left Rick where he was. She was still so pissed off by this situation. She hated that guy. This night so many years ago wasn't only heart-breaking to her. It also changed her whole life.

It just changed...everything.

Kate rushed towards the breakroom, curious about who was waiting for her there. Who could it be?

Kate looked into the room and felt her head spinning. All of the sudden she felt tremendous pressure in her head as she looked at him. He shouldn't be here. He should be back in Los Angeles, not here.

The tall, lanky boy stood, looking back at her. His dark brown hair showed off his bright green eyes to perfection and his 13-year old body was tall and thin, but you could see the potential of what he would grow into.

This day just got worse. Not only did she meet Richard Castle, the man she never wanted to see or hear from again and now he...why today? Why did he need to come today?

Castle stepped into the room and watched what happened curiously. He could see the pale face of Kate when she turned around to look at Ryan who seemed to feel out of place with a look of confusion on his face...and Castle could see how her hands were shaking...He stepped closer to her. Was she going to pass out? It sure looked that way.

"Ethan?" Kate said weakly as she stepped closer to the boy before his image began to blur before her. The last thing she heard, before everything went REALLY fuzzy and she landed in a very focused Castle's arms, was the boy's response as he ran towards her.

"Mom?"


	5. Author's note

Hi there guys,

first of all: Sorry for the delay. I know I'm a horrible author. I wish I had an explanation as to why I didn't update sooner but honestly? I have non. I just think I was too lazy to update, I would even say that I was out of ideas but after a time I thought: If I have the time to read stories I can take some time to update mine as well. Sooo here I am. :)

First of all I would like to clear something up:

I know that alot of people hate Castle right now, because the way he behaved towards Kate in the past. Please have in mind that he was a different guy back then. I won't say that he was a horrible person and I know the way he left Kate behind was low, but please be patient. Rick is trying to make it up to Kate. He will show her that he's turned into a wonderful man. It was never my intention to make him look bad. But when you're young you sometimes do stupid things. Kate isn't innocent either. You'll see that in upcoming chapters as well. It's going to work out in the end. Trust me. Everyone has their flaws and I'm going to make sure that you'll see that in my story.

About Kate's son: I love to read stories with unique story plots. Stories that aren't too similiar to others. It wouldn't be fair of me to click myself through stories, read them and let the authors know that I think that some of their stories are too predictable and then go back and don't do it any better.

Ethan is NOT Castle's son. I'm sure that there will be some readers who might be disappointed but the story-plot that Kate hides a secret kid from Castle is...well...a story plot that is being used so often. There are so many stories with a similar story-plot (that doesn't mean that they aren't good though) and I really want to try something different.

I decided to let Kate have a child because I didn't want her to be alone. When I started to watch Castle I felt sorry for her because she was alone. There was no one to come home to. No one who was waiting for her. Not even a pet or something. ^^

You know what I mean? ^^ After what happened with Rick in this story, after what happened with her mom and then her Dad...I wanted Kate to have a reason to move on...and I think the best best reason to move on when it is so hard is to have a person of your own flesh and blood waiting for you. :)

This story is called "Kate's secret" (jupp I've changed it a bit) but not because of her child...the people from the 12th know who Ethan is, but no one of her friends or colleagues know that Kate and Rick already know each other and had "something". Well with the exception of Lanie. She, of course knows about everything that happened.

Plus: Thank you for letting me know that I mixed up the dates. They really didn't make sense. ^^ In my story it's 1996 when her mom died and she fell pregnant in the same year. Her son was born in 1997 and it is 2010 when the actual story is taking place which means that Ethan is 13 now!

Please have in mind once again: Castle is not Ethan's father.

I hope you'll like it. Thank you for your patience and enjoy the ride. :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks again for the support.**

* * *

><p><em>September 1996<em>

_There she was laying on the floor with a blanket over her shivering body. It was dark and she could hear the raindrops falling down to the earth. _

_Darkness. Rain. _

_It fit her mood perfectly. She had no idea how long she was lying there. She had no idea why she was lying there. All she knew was that her life was over. She was 19 now and thought that she had such a bright future ahead of her. That had been her wish. Her goal. Her dream: A bright future._

_When she attended Stanford almost two years ago she was sure that she would be doing something great someday. And now? Now she was laying on the floor in her fathers cabin and looked back at what has happened the last one and a half years._

_She was devastated when Rick left her just like he did. All he's left behind was some stupid note and money. He left her like she was a piece of trash, like he hadn't really cared about her as a person at all...but despite of everything...she was able to move on. The first months at Stanford were hard, but not because of her classes. Like expected she aced all of them, but the more time she spent there, the harder it was for her to forget about him. But she also knew that she couldn't dwell in the past for too long. She needed to move on...and that is what she did._

_She was getting better. She had Lanie. She had her goal to become a great lawyer. Everything started to fall into place again._

_But one fateful night 6 months ago destroyed everything for Kate. She remembered this moment like no other. Her father and her were waiting for her mom to come and meet them for lunch. All of them were looking forward to spend some much needed time together. With Kate in Stanford and both her parents busy with their jobs it was very difficult to meet each other on a regular basis. They wanted to catch up, make plans for the next holiday they'd spend togehter._

_Kate sobbed when she remembered hearing those words: "I'm sorry but your wife Johanna was found dead."_

_This day changed everything. It had destroyed her, but it was her father who took her mom's dead the hardest. He turned to alcohol after what happened with Johanna and she couldn't recognize him anymore. He stopped talking to her, he came home late every night piss drunk and cried himself to sleep. And Kate? Kate tried to move on, tried to distract herself...she knew that there would come a time where she was going to break down, but the first days after her moms death she felt nothing. She felt numb. She tried to forget about everything that has happened. During that time she didn't even know how her beloved mom died. All she knew deep inside was that she wasn't coming back._

_She did alot of stupid things during these days. She went to parties, slept around and did things her mom wouldn't be proud of. But that was how Kate handled things. She handled them HER way. _

_The day she met Rogan O'Leary really wasn't her finest hour. She had ALOT to drink and was desperate for some body heat, desperate for a pair of strong arms...Rogan was the right choice. He was nice, good-looking and open for flings. It wasn't supposed to be more than that._

_When she woke up the next day he was gone...of course. He didn't leave her the way Rick did but she wasn't suprised that he was gone. She wanted ONE night and she got what she wanted. What she had with Rick was different though...it still hurt so much..._

_She started vomiting a week later. Day after day. At first she thought it was just the flu. Never did she think about being pregnant despite of the one night stand with Rogan. She has always been careful. Boy was she wrong..._

_How could she be so stupid? So blind?_

_"Honey...have you ever thought of taking a pregnancy-test? You've vomited the whole week, you have HORRIBLE mood swings that are starting to piss me off..."_

_"Lanie..."_

_"Girl...just to be sure, ok?" _

_A few minutes later she was looking at a little stick with shaking hands and once again her world turned upside down._

_Ethan Gregory Beckett was born on May 7th 1997._

_Her light._

_Her savior._

_That day changed everything. Once again. After her mom's dead she decided to go to the task force and become the best detective in NYC. She wanted justice. She wanted to know who took her mom from her and the grandmother from Ethan._

* * *

><p><span>Present: (2010)<span>

"Beckett?"

"Mom?"

Kate opened her eyes and growned. What happened? Where was she? She blinked her eyes and tried to sit up after she realized that she was laying on the couch in the rest room.

"Careful girl. You just fainted."

Kate looked around and was confused.

"Lanie? What are you doing up here?"

Lanie rolled her eyes.

"Kevin texted me. Gosh, you really scared me here. What happened?"

Ethan who was standing next to Lanie looked at his mom with a worried expression on his handsome face.

"Mom? Are you ok?"

"Ethan what the hell are you doing here? I told you more than once to not come here. This place isn't save for you."

"But mom-"

"No more Ethan."

"Detective Beckett? Everything ok?"

Captain Montgomery entered the room and was suprised at how many people were there.

"Beckett fainted", Espo told him and turned around to look at Castle, who was awkwardly standing a few feet away. He clearly felt out of place.

"Everything is fine sir but uhm...could I have the rest of the day off? I-"

"Of course Detective. I think the boys will be able to handle one day without you. That's what I hope"- Montgomery added and throw a pointed look into Espos and Ryans direction.

"Sure sure", the both of them answered simultaneously.

Kate smiled at her boss thankfully and slowly started to get up. Ethan tried to help and held her hand while she took a deep breath and tried to focus.

"It's ok baby", she whispered to her son, who smiled at her.

"See ya later guys", Ethan chirped towards Ryan, Espo and Lanie and left the room with a confused look on his face when he noticed Castle standing there. Kate didn't even spare him a glance. She just ignored him.

"Later buddy. Was nice to see you again."

Castle watched Kate and the youngster as they left the room. He knew the room was tension-filled the moment this boy appeared and he had no idea why. Everyone else would've been happy if they saw their kid and yeah, she said she didn't want him here because it was dangerous but it seemed like Kate wasn't pleased at all about the fact that Ethan was here.

Why?

"Not a word until we're in the car", Kate said sternly to the boy whose arm she was grasping.

"But mom, I just wanted..."

"I said not one word", she insisted through gritted teeth as they walked out of the precinct and towards the parking lot.

The boy sighed and looked over at her nervously. He knew she wouldn't like the idea of his showing up without a word, but wow...she was REALLY pissed right now. He might be almost as tall as her but he knew better than to argue back when she was in this mood. So they marched across the parking lot until Kate clicked her key ring and the locks of her silver Audi flipped up, allowing their entrance.

"Buckle up", Kate told her son as her seat belt clicked and she started her car, backing out of her space and starting for the street beyond.

"Now would you like to explain to me why you came all way to me from your grand-father? Does he even know you are here? Gosh, I really hope he doesn't think that you ran way..."

"Mom if he thought that I ran away he would've called you by now."

"Right", Kate mumbled.

"You really shouldn't be here."

"Why mom? I haven't seen you in a month."

Kate glanced back at him and sighed. This boy sure was something. No matter how often she tried to steer him in the right direction, he would undoubtably snag her plans and head off in a direction of his own liking. She had watched him grow from a cherubic newborn with the brightest and most beautiful green eyes she'd ever seen to a confident boy who was always determined to go his own way.

No matter how angry Kate would get at him for his little indiscretions such as taking her laptop apart just to see if he could put it back together again (he could) he was always able to charm his way out of trouble. He was good at that.

He was so much like her and thank god, nothing like his father. God knows where he was right now.

"Look mom, I just wanted to spend some time with you. When was the last time we did something togehter?"

God...she felt horrible.

"Honey...I know...you are right, but it is really not the right time at the moment."

"When will it be then?"

"Soon baby...soon."

By the time they reached Kate's apartment neither of them had spoken more than 5 words to each other. With another look at his mom, Ethan knew that it was better to wait till they were inside before he asked her more questions.

Kate went to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, then after asking if Ethan was hungry, she returned to the living room where her boy was waiting for her.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Who was that tall guy who was standing in the rest-room?"

* * *

><p><strong>Soooo that's it. What do you think? Please let me know! :)<strong>


End file.
